Relief

Its been an interesting week or so...hence my lack of blogging. Now its time for some deep reflection.   I've been running around (not literally, more like the opposite of sitting still when trying to do yoga). Its driving my crazy not being able to figure out what I want, or how to control..my life.  Then I realized (again) that I have control issues.  Relationships are hard, staying motivated in your personal and professional life....well that's even harder.  On a separate, but similar topic, I am still reading Eat, Pray, Love and I had mentioned that it was fun buying the book used, because I didn't know who had it before me and what they learned from the book. To my surprise last, there was a little piece of paper stuck in the book.  Funny I had never noticed it before.  Let me just say this. I don't believe in signs.  I always think its weird when people pray and ask God for a sign, because sometimes they get an answer they don't want. Anyways, the note had two phrases.  The first, which seems totally irrelevant, said "Law of Attraction".  The second, however, was quite inspiring.  Its read, " Excuse me, your life is waiting." Isn't that an amazing little phrase to find?  I have been trying to figure out what will make me happy, but in the meantime, I'm missing out on so much.  I'm worrying about...well, everything.  I need to work-out, I need to go to the grocery store, to buy a present, to make changes in my life...its stressful doing all that thinking.  Another part of the book really got to me in regards to all my "thinking."

It said "My Guru once said - that you should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong instead.  But I didn't feel strong. My body ached in diminished worthlessness. I wondered, who is the "me" when I am conversing with my mind, and who is the "mind". I thought about the relentless though-processing, south-devouring machine that is my brain, and wondered how on earth I was ever going to master it.  Then I remembered that line from Jaws and couldn't help smiling; "We're gonna need a bigger boat."

I guess I'm not going to Italy, India, or Indonesia any times soon. But I'm ready for a change.  I want to loosen up. Do things I would never do.  Sit. Open my heart, and not my mind. See what happens.  I'm excited for change, which has previously been a scary thought, but honestly, I don't know what else there is to do, other than change.

On another note, Eric and I have been working on our relationship and it is going well. We went bowling last week (his idea), and it was really fun. I actually beat him. Then I convinced him to go on a looong bike ride. And by convincing him, I mean, he only agreed to go because he feared for me safety.  13 miles later...my legs were HURTING!  I've also been working on one of my term papers for my LAST grad school class.  I am all set for graduation, barring a small setback with my diploma name online reading "Jennife Michelle Levitt" and of course getting two papers, two posters, and 2 tests done. Can't WAIT to be done!

Lastly, I just want to say, if you don't watch Glee....you should!

XOXO ~Jen~